Cedar Falls the Long Way

He said he knew a secret easier route to view Cedar Falls, normally accessed via a "strenuous" one-mile hike according to the sign behind Mather Lodge that warns tourists to take water and wear proper shoes. We would take the Miata up to Petit Jean, which I had been eager to experience--even before I knew it was a convertible. He advised me to pack lightly because the little sporty car has no back seats and a tiny trunk, with much of that space already occupied by the two folding camp chairs and table he bought a few months ago just for our picnic outings.

This reclusive, eccentric gentleman has surrounded himself with fun toys that his four-car driveway and three-car garage can barely contain. Taking out the van for group kayaking days or the pickup with winch for creek put-in or take-out engineering requires him to play a game of musical parking slots with the Kona and garbage bins that he somehow doesn't mind. We'll talk about the motorcycles and EV another day.

Turns out the Miata is a fun ride; it warmed up enough for him to take the top down. I love fresh air!

We checked out many overlooks before starting our hike. Below are the Liesegang rings used by craftsmen who built the College Lodge that is now in ruins. We lingered here a while wondering about the slots for beams, channels for glass, and bolts that once pinned down a stove.

This is what the 1920s College Lodge at Stout's Point looked like before (below).

All the work I've done trying to learn healthy relating is paying off. I have my neuroses and complexes, as does he, and many times these clash. He values spontaneity and only needs two meals a day. I value predictability and need to keep glucose coming to my frontal cortex on the same schedule to which it is accustomed, and I don't really like having to subsist on trail mix in lieu of a meal at mealtime unless I am lost in the woods and this is the only option due to an unforeseeable emergency.

I love packing gourmet picnic meals in my daypack, and I had nuts, blueberries, Brie, and freshly baked sourdough with me for our planned lunch! But when this (as imagined by me) half-day outing turned into a long, long, exhausting day, I started to feel grumpy. I think I did a pretty good job of self-regulating so as not to spew my frustration in his direction.

He is very considerate within the bounds of his ability to do perspective-taking with a girlfriend who has so many specific needs to keep herself emotionally and physically regulated and did stop to ask me if I was carrying enough snacks and water. For my part, I had inner conversations to encourage myself not to ruin a beautiful day in nature just because the schedule wasn't turning out to be what I had prepared for. I made an effort to take ownership of my own failure to communicate clearly the day before the trip. "When can we expect to be home?" I could have asked. "I would like to pack myself two meals," I could have asserted. We are still learning about one another.

I realize that some of my discomfort arises from rules embedded in me from childhood. One that my mother taught me is that if you invite someone to do something, such as visit your house, during a traditional meal hour, you offer your friend a meal at that time or at least ask, "Have you eaten?" "Want to order in?" He forgets that I'm a three-meal-a-day gal and feels no compunction to see that we dine when our outing keeps us out hours past my dinner time. When we emerged from the woods, having taken the "strenuous" route back to Mather Lodge instead of tracing our steps back to the car, I suggested dinner at the lodge before the two-mile walk on the road back to the car. That idea did not appeal to him, and I did not insist. A package of peanuts from the gift shop was sufficient; I chose harmony and compromise, carefully choosing my battles and chalking this up to experience.

On a bright note, Arkansas was at her most enjoyable on this day. It was partly sunny and cool, with reptiles sunning on rocks while the heat and humidity that will eventually seal us in our houses for the majority of summer days has not yet begun to plague us. Wildflowers added color all about us, butterflies glanced along the tops of the blooming brambles on rocky slopes, and both migrant and locally breeding birds vocalized overhead. 

Above: Woodland Pinkroot may be my favorite Arkansas Wildflower

We never tire of stopping to identify all the fauna and flora of which we are not certain. His expensive phone has multiple lenses and takes fantastic sharp macro shots. My old iPhone is not as good, but the community of citizen scientists on iNaturalist help nail down identifications. I've taught him to use Merlin for bird calls, and we both enjoy discovering there's a rarity overhead.

We FINALLY arrived at the falls along with throngs of tourists who had come the shorter routes (one strenuous and one gentler) from Mather Lodge. Mountain-goat-like children disobeyed parents by scampering up under the falls, pretending not to hear dad's or mom's admonitions yelled from the nearer rocks to come down from there right now.

Here are our observations:

Critters:

• Eastern Gray Squirrel
• Red-headed Skink

Birds:

• Black Vulture
• Turkey Vulture
• Mississippi Kite
• Red-tailed Hawk
• Barred Owl (calling)
• Acadian Flycatcher (heard and Merlin ID'd)
• Eastern Phoebe everywhere
• White-eyed Vireo tirelessly calling
• Red-eyed Vireo also calling a lot
• Blue Jay tricking me, as usual, to wonder what it was
• American Crow and maybe a Fish Crow
• Carolina Chickadee, very common here
• Tufted Titmouse, cute and vocal
• Barn Swallows nesting at the Visitor Center just as they do at the trolley stop at Point Pelee
• Blue-gray Gnatcatcher with it's nasal little voice
• Carolina Wren, ubiquitous here
• American Robin
• Black-and-white Warbler, breeds here!
• Pine Warbler, quite frequently heard on our hikes
• Northern Cardinal
• Indigo Bunting, also breeds here.

Insects:

• Black Swallowtail butterfly
• Mourning Cloak butterfly
• Summer Azure butterfly

Plants, Flowers, Fungi:

• Field Madder
• Sampson's Snakeroot
• Sidebeak Pencilflower*
• Stalked Ruellia*
• Hairy Skullcap*
• Woodland Pinkroot
• Common Persimmon
• Rabbitfoot Clover
• Sparkleberry bush
• Carolina Crane's-bill IN BLOOM!*
• Chicken-of-the-Woods
• Yellow Deer Mushroom
• Goat's Rue*

Geology:

• Hartshorn sandstone capping the mountain
• Carpet rocks
• Talus formation
• Turtlerocks
• Liesegang rings in stonework in 1920s College Lodge ruins*

* indicates new to me, can be added to my life list.

To sum up, this was a wonderful outing that would have been made even more wonderful had I known to ask more questions up front about the breath, depth and length of it. I need to learn to pack more meals than I think I'll need and NOT tell any friends I'll chat with them in the afternoon or evening after my morning outing with my love. I need to learn to clear the calendar for the whole day so that I'm free to chase butterflies or add a stop to our route. I also want to negotiate things like sit-down meals. Perhaps I could say, "A picnic for lunch sounds great! We will be right there by the lodge restaurant, which has quite good food. Would you be amenable to eating there after our hike?" I commit to more practice advocating for myself so that I can stay fueled and fully enjoy the treasures he has to share with me after decades of hiking and kayaking this beautiful state.

I am learning, and I am not perfect. This is a wabi-sabi process, human and messy. I've read all the books and watched all the therapists on YouTube, and I revisit those teachers for refresher lessons. In the field, after the book has been set aside, I am learning by trial and error how two partners communicate in healthy, compassionate ways. I want my partner not to feel I am trying to squash his essence or make his way of being in the world "wrong." I want the same grace from him while we advocate for our needs, wants and preferences.